Heed the warnings of the HSPs

[Introverts] are living evidence that this rich and varied world with its overflowing and intoxicating life is not purely external, but also exists within... Their life teaches more than their words.... Their lives teach the other possibility, the interior life which is so painfully wanting in our civilization.  --Jung, quoted by Elaine Aron


E.A. discusses introversion a lot and how it can be confused with what she termed the "Highly Sensitive Person" or "Sensory-Processing Sensitivity" trait.  In many Western cultures, introversion and sensitivity are often equated with weak characteristics needing to be overcome.  Ambition, aggression, and people with power (whether by fame or money) are idolized.

Introverts, shy-identified, and highly sensitive people must learn to disabuse themselves of these negative connotations of these traits.  As I see it, these characteristics allow people to be aware of the internal experiences in their myriad subtleties.  The inner is then reflected to the outer.  Everyone is compelled to act by deep feelings.  By being oblivious to those feelings, we do not have the ability to understand life in its complexity.  For example, most people have been told about the need to differentiate frustrating feelings experienced at work from the feelings experienced at home.  Typically told, the man goes to work and has a terrible day.  He comes home to his family with boiling emotions and the smallest upset at home causes him to lash out at his family, blaming them for the emotional turmoil.  To be aware of those feelings, recognizing their source and their complexity, allows for a more intelligent response.  This process requires a sensitivity to and awareness of one's own emotions.  It's not about repression, it's about understanding.

Introverts and highly sensitive people need to be understood as having valuable insight into this inner world.  To use those insights can lead to greater harmony and awareness in the "external world."

To make the distinction a little more gross, it's helpful to compare those with pain receptors and those without.  Of course, the occurrence of the latter is extremely rare in the population, and there's good reason for that.  People who do not have the capacity to feel pain do tremendous damage to their bodies.  This inability makes them more susceptible to injury and death.  In the same way, devaluing introverts and HSPs, leads to greater suffering and possibly to a society's death.  We would be smart to recognize this sooner rather than later.

The dual fangs of thought and opinion

If we don't dissociate the word, which is memory and all its reactions, from the feeling, then that word destroys the feeling...You have so entangled yourselves in a net of words, of speculations, that the feeling itself, which is the only thing that has deep and vital significance, is lost.

"I am beginning to see what you mean," said the first one slowly. "We are not simple; we don't discover anything for ourselves, but just repeat what we have been told. Even when we revolt, we form new conclusions, which again have to be broken down. We really don't know what love is, but merely have opinions about it.--JK

The mind is relentless; it is cunning and often moves us away from being simple, and most certainly, from being simply aware.  In the Adam and Eve parable, it was the snake that offered knowledge to humans and therefore, led to their corruption.  It seems that the snake is really the process of the mind's thinking offering a continuous stream of knowledge/information to keep their minds occupied.  Meanwhile, innocence and simplicity are being lost.  As we age, it becomes so difficult to dissociate the fact from the opinion. We have a library of opinions and they are cataloged right there with the real information, so the process of recalling a fact also drags along the opinion and the sentiment associated with that information.  This is why we become so intractable in discussion.  We are armed to the teeth with facts and opinions and they seem one and the same. We argue and hate, ourselves and others.  So, we go on vacation and disengage in all that thinking and feel refreshed by the force and uncomplicated experiencing of traveling.  The novelty gives us pause from our usual mental commutes.  We ascribe the "refreshing" experience to the place or the people, but there is a power within us to refresh ourselves.  We just have to take that vacation from our thinking, and that requires--not thought--but a calm awareness.  There must be an openness to life, in all of its ugliness and beauty.  We generally call that innocence.

People around the world instinctively feel we should protect the innocence of children, but why not protect the innocence within all people, including ourselves?  To do so, we need to be alert to the snake within our own minds, offering us the penetrating fangs of opinions and thoughts.  As the poison of judgement courses through our veins, we lose the ability to stay centered and compassionate.  We fall ill and become embittered.

Earlier today I was bit by the snake.  I got frustrated and angry that the disparity in wealth is rising exponentially.  The easy answer?  Remove their power, or more brutally, remove those people!  Of course, those people are trapped in the same socio-economic structure as the poor, they just have everything at their disposal.  Worldwide poverty is definitely a problem, but running to solve the problem with a fist....full of opinions and anger will create more problems.  The solution lies not in more laws, punishments, or money, but in understanding.  Real understanding of how the problems came to exist and the consequences of those problems.  When approached this way, the feeling of anger extinguishes, and there is a calmness that pervades the inquiry into the problem.  The meaningful goals of health and well-being for everyone naturally becomes the compelling force, not avarice and exploitation.

In our current society, it seems absurd to expect children to pay up if they want a bite to eat or some health care.  Why aren't there more contracts about how much rent a kid should pay until they leave the house?  Or why aren't they required to pay for all that food they eat?  Naturally, we expect the parents to pay for these costs, and if the parents aren't able, there are welfare programs to help them.  Suddenly, the child turns 18 and all bets are off.  They must join the marketplace and make of themselves a commodity to be purchased at an hourly rate.  If they don't have food? Too bad!  No housing? Also, too bad!  Their survival now depends on their ability to sell themselves, valuable or not.  They may be able to create wonderful music, but instead they are brandishing weapons on the battlefield because that is where they could sell themselves.  Their innocence is forgotten, and in the process, so is ours.

So, when the snake comes to bite, be alert. Notice the venom.  Stop the regular thinking.  Take enough pause to start over, look at things anew.  In so doing, innocence returns and so does healthy living.

Bullies and Saints

When an individual behaves in a way that is either too good or too bad it suggests that he has repressed, edited out, or rejected parts of his human nature.  Both the bully and the saint have lost a sense of proportion.  In some sense, like Yeats's fanatic, such a person is "maimed" and not fully human. --W,Z,P

This concept speaks about human nature, which is what really?  It is found both lacking and in exaggeration in the bully and the saint.  The qualities of aggressiveness are present in both, one is aggressive externally, the other internally via sacrifice.  There is a sense that the emphasis of certain qualities at the expense of others leads to imbalance.  This imbalance puts the person out of touch with their full humanity.  The passage appealed to me because it does not follow the conventional idea that saints are all good and bullies are all bad.  There is something disturbing about both, although the harm from the bully can be a lot more widespread and painful.

Bullies are blatant in their controlling tendencies.  They need to feel powerful, probably because they want to subdue their sense of insecurity.  The bully must sacrifice his empathy, his connection to others.  If he is open to their pain, then he will also suffer.  To block that pain means he must sever his emotional connection to others, which is isolating, and that further instills the sense of insecurity that he was trying to subdue in the first place.

Saints are generally regarded as distilled manifestations of the best qualities of humans.  They are beyond "us" so much so that to question them is tantamount to irreverence, or more mildly, ingratitude.  Questioning their behavior is unquestionable.  The motives of a saint should be considered, as should the saint herself watch her motives.  To emphasize one goal or one virtue over others is a form of repression, of internal fragmentation.  This generally builds up the repressed feeling until it finds release.  Much of this release may find its way through non-verbal means.  It's like trying to smile all day when you are grumpy.  It may help make you feel a bit better, but if you are constantly resisting any of the day's frustrations with a smile, you will probably come across as inauthentic.  It's difficult to know what this resistance does to oneself physiologically.  To subsume oneself to an idea of virtue is a kind of ruthlessness.  If you expect yourself to fit a specific mold, how can you be fine with allowing others to be authentic or mold-less?  You want to control yourself because you know what's right, and naturally, that idea of rightness finds its way in trying to control others.  The problem comes when we stop paying attention.  We get so fused with a particular virtue that then we lose sensitivity to the changing conditions around us and within us.  These changes may require us to change, but if we are stuck to a virtuous pattern, we may not see what the appropriate change may be.  We cannot wrap up this thing called life until we are dead.  We must always pay attention.

The complaining splinter

Pick up a piece of shell. Can you look at it, wonder at its delicate beauty, without saying how pretty it is, or what animal made it? Can you look without the movement of the mind? Can you live with the feeling behind the word, without the feeling that the word builds up? If you can, then you will discover an extraordinary thing, a movement beyond the measure of time, a spring that knows no summer.--JK


It happens, but usually for just a brief second.  The verbal machine's engine gets going just a couple moments after the perception of the object.  There are some occasions when the mind is arrested entirely, usually by some immense beauty that the mind doesn't even try to wrap up in words.....at least for some time. It is timeless, psychologically, but chronologically, the I pops up and starts noticing that the experience is happening and then the timelessness ceases.  My reaction to this is usually one of sorrow because I feel I am "missing out" on a beautiful experience.  That of course is the greatest irony.  The feeling of "missing out" can only be created by the "I" that popped up into the experience.  It's like a splinter pierces the delicate skin and then says, "geez, why has this delicate beauty been splintered by this splinter?"  


I feel I am now coming to more experiences where this immediate reaction of sorrow is becoming a bit more translucent.  Instead of getting on the expressway to Destination Discombobulated, I find myself seeing that I'm heading on to that expressway and then letting that perception allow for the space to not get on that expressway.   There is a grace about this process that is difficult to write about.  Not an emotional difficulty, a verbal difficulty to describe it.  So, I'm just letting it be, very very simply and subtly.

The outlet for my lamp

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do....It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.  M.W (quote in book: Getting to Maybe)


I continue to find examples of this same theme, and whether or not it is due to projection or selective attention, it doesn't really change the meaning it has for me.  I'm currently on a quest to find what passions really motivate me, from my core.  When I'm in a yoga class and the teacher speaks about moving from the core, I perceive this as a request that encompasses not only the physical pose, but the living pose as well.

Our heads are full of conditioning, particularly when it comes to action.  What's good and bad, what's productive and lazy, what's healthy and unhealthy.  Society is not an entity in and of itself, it's still just a collection of little people.  It should serve us to promote our well-being, not destroy it.  That conflict is obvious and compels people to do many things in response: isolate themselves, destroy society, or succumb to the current.  Is it possible to be apart from society but still participate in its evolution?

I think the quote exemplifies that process.  As long as we keep our lights off and our brains in the dark, we make a dark home.  One lamp turned on can illuminate a part of that home so it's natural for people to congregate around the lit part of the home.  If I can turn my own lamp on and add to the glow, the house will become brighter, not just for me, but for everyone.

It would be great if society were already full of light, but it is not, so it takes serious effort for individuals to find their outlet.  I'm still searching for my outlet.  When I do find it, I hope there's enough electricity for me to burst forth with enough light to brighten the whole room.

Do we survive to live or live to survive?

On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero. --C.P.

I thought this was an interesting way to re-phrase the cliche "we'll all die someday."

The weird thing about this concept is that the understanding of its real meaning is often lost in the words.  An important meaning, repeated often enough, becomes just a chant.  It has no more depth than the "hello how are you? I'm fine" exchange we all experience.

When I really dig in and be attentive to the real meaning, there is a change that occurs.  The issue really becomes about the way I'm living, right now.  And what does "living" mean anyway? I hear the whisper that I've been sleeping for so long and it's time to wake up, to pay attention deeply to all that is around me and inside me.  I spend too much time planning for some imagined future, instead of being enriched by what life is all about in any particular moment, whether pleasurable or not.

I wonder why--after having been reminded a billion times about "living in the now"--I and so many others quickly drift back into the business of the mind.  If thought were a usable form of energy, and all the thoughts about "living in the now" could be stored, we'd immediately solve our energy problem; we would have enough energy to power the world for centuries.  Why, with all the books, lectures, sermons, and conversations about this very important point, do we so easily forget it?

The understanding of this does have a different type of energy, a transformative energy.  If people really just planned for survival instead of all the rest of it (becoming somebody, having lots of wealth, controlling others), our whole world and society would change and we'd all be more sane as a result.  In living in the now, the sturdy divisions between "me" and "them" become cracked and tiresome.  The clouds, the plants, and humans all participate in life like a grand party.  Sharing is natural, not coerced.  Life is inescapably interesting.  It's when we leave the party, and tumble back into self-incarceration that life becomes dull and so starts the planning to "succeed" and stop sharing.  These sneaky tactics will never, ever, bring our survival rate above zero.

Intuition

...our intuition and emotions will be our "radar" that something is wrong. When people make us feel guilty, fear, confusion, doubt, stress, and/or anxiety in spite of the kind words they might tell us, something is wrong. --B.J.

I've often wondered about what the proper place of intuition is in our lives, and what exactly is intuition.

It appears to be a quick primitive brain system that allows us to sense what other people are feeling through nonverbal cues and mirrors that feeling in our own bodies. A problem with intuition, though, is it seems to be prone to errors from biases, assumptions, our own internal characteristics/tendencies, and general conditioning. For example, if I get anxious before making a presentation in front of a large crowd, and I intuit that a speaker is anxious, am I projecting my own feeling or is that really what the other person is experiencing? Due to the fact that we are all more similar than we care to admit, it's just statistically probable that the speaker is actually feeling anxious because she or he is similar to me, so if I feel that way, so does the speaker.

Perhaps intuition isn't about sensing their nonverbal cues; perhaps it's just a process of projecting ourselves into their situation and inferring their internal state based on what we would feel.

I suppose it could be a combination of the two (internal and external), and with so many variables, it's amazing our intuitions are on target as often as they are.

In the context of this quote, though, the point is made that we need to use our feelings to respond more intelligently to the environment. If we don't feel well inside, there is a problem in the current situation, and instead of just trying to ignore the feeling or suppress it, we need to find the deeper cause of our inquietude and respond with this broader understanding.

Emotions, as a concept, have been stigmatized. We pretend that they aren't of the same value as thoughts, particularly in "professional settings." Even when we say, "put your emotions aside," what we're really trying to do is get the person to put their assumptions aside (that are leading to their hostile/defensive emotions) so they can reconsider a certain circumstance, which will then allow them to have a broader view that changes their emotional state. Every action we take is to produce a desired emotional state, but we often feel compelled to provide a list of "legitimate" (conceptual) reasons that we are going to do something.

When I was preparing to quit my job, I really had to make the case to my family and friends that my work was impinging on my sense of ethics and values, my health, and my overall mood. These costs were irrational burdens, considering that my only benefit was a paycheck. With the assurance that I could survive for a few months sans paycheck, they became supportive of my decision to resign.

If I had said I was completely unhappy, that wouldn't have been as compelling, but that's really what my quitting was a result of. My intuition told me "something is wrong" so I had to leave. The sad part is how long it took me to arrive at that decision because I didn't heed my intuition so readily.

Relationship to Society

Together, the intellect and the emotions give us a balance in knowing what we need to say, plus the feelings needed to experience connectedness with others. From this flows strength and the clear-sightedness to see who others really are, and thus to take a stand and assume our own proper place with them, in an esteemed world. -- B.J.

I've long felt that the balance of the mind and heart, acting as one, is the essence of spirituality. I do not use this word often because it is so loaded in the mind of others. It gets confused with belief, faith, and religious addictions. I don't see any need for belief. If a phenomenon has little or no evidence for its existence, why carry that thought in your mind at all? Why not free your mind to explore what is real. There is so much that we don't understand about life, so why not just know this to be true and move forward from there? When my mind is full of assumptions and prejudices, it makes any perception of reality less clear.

I appreciate this author's meaning because it acknowledges the relationship between others as being one of heartfelt equality. It's not an imposition from thought or from laws. Every person has a unique blend of talents and some are less capable than others, but there is the understanding that these capacities do not need to divide us. Rather, they should serve as reminders that we need each other. From this understanding, there is nourishment to all parts, like the body which feeds all organs in the ways they need to be fed.

If society was produced from this basis of all individuals valuing each other, society would be a totally different creature than it is today. It is a shame that we don't see how society arises from us, from the way we relate to others. The consequence is that we have created a society in which exploiting others is normal. When the pancreas gets abused and stops working, and the rest of the body's organs must work within this deficiency, a terrible disease (diabetes) consumes the whole body leading to a painful decay. That is our society now. In such a society, every individual must struggle, but we accept this as the normal condition of life. Is it? Or is it just one of those beliefs and assumptions?

The never-ending mind

You see, our minds are so carefully cultivated that we fill the heart with the things of the mind. We give most of our time and energy to the earning of a livelihood, to the gathering of knowledge, to the fire of belief, to patriotism and the worship of the State, to the activities of social reform, to the pursuit of ideals and virtues, and to the many other things with which the mind keeps itself occupied; so the heart is made empty, and the mind becomes rich in its cunningness. This does make for insensitivity, doesn't it? -- J.K.

I see that I spend much of my life in the workings of the mind. From the time that I wake up to the time my head hits the pillow, I'm wondering about things. Since I was young, it has been obvious to others that I have always been asking "why?" My "whys" have filled me with so much of other people's knowledge that I get stuck in it. I guess that is all pretty obvious just from the purpose of this blog.

Even though I've learned that there are certain whys that can only be answered with speculation, this understanding is not complete. I no longer ask "why am I here?" or "why is there 'meaningfulness'?" because all answers, however alluring, are just more tapestries of thought. Sadly, I'm still asking myself how to empty my heart of these things of the mind. It may not be so explicit or direct, but I can see it in the movement of my mind that I'm struggling to find a way to quiet the mind and allow the heart to be.

Why do I want to empty my heart? I'm at a point in my life where I've worked and worked at different jobs in different fields and all my action in these jobs, and towards these jobs, have been motivated by some strategizing of the mind to avoid semi-fictional consequences (being homeless and cold, not having food, being unhealthy). In other words, my work life has been dominated by fear. All this effort to avoid a bad outcome has led me exactly to that--bad outcomes! It's all rather ridiculous. My jobs have not been aligned with my interests, values, and talents, but they have provided me just enough income to survive. Literally burnt out from the accumulated stress of my most recent job, and from a history of unsuitable jobs, I am desperate to find a new way of earning a living, which may just mean a totally new way of life.

To find my way, I need to let go of all that fear, of all the scheming. I need to create just enough space to allow for inspiration, for insight. The problem is that I must not be motivated to achieve that insight. If my mind is struggling to get to "Destination Insight," then it will start building up what the destination is and what it looks like, and calculating the route to get there. I've already seen where following the mind's deceptive paths leads me, so I "try" to avoid that route and take another that my mind has secretly offered as a "non-mind" alternative. Of course, it too is of the mind.

It may be the case that I've been made dull by the years of self-abuse. A sushi knife wielded recklessly in a butcher shop will no longer find its way back to the sushi kitchen. That may be my fate. Or I may just end up in another job. For now, though, I haven't a choice. I must write my blog and clean out as much of my mind's cholesterol as I'm capable of to allow the blood to flow freely to my heart.

Purpose of Dialogue Blog

This is my first blog, and I'm excited to start. There are two reasons I wanted to write this blog. The most important is that writing seems to be a great tool for me to explore some of the more subtle thinking that goes on in my mind. In everyday thinking, it's like I'm an airport luggage handler moving giant suitcases and boxes through to the fuselage of life. When I write, the handling slows down and I have a chance to peer inside all that baggage, and often, I'm surprised to see how loaded they are. The second reason is that I wanted to have a place in my life for my internal discussions with authors. My concept for the format is to post a quote of whatever length necessary, and then use that as the starting point for my discussion.

This will undoubtedly leave me very exposed, but I do not worry about that. Being vulnerable can be scary sometimes, but it's also a path to insight (as long as it's genuine). I considered just creating a folder of document files, or just adding to my handwritten journal, but neither of those felt right this time. So, here we go!