Do we survive to live or live to survive?

On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero. --C.P.

I thought this was an interesting way to re-phrase the cliche "we'll all die someday."

The weird thing about this concept is that the understanding of its real meaning is often lost in the words.  An important meaning, repeated often enough, becomes just a chant.  It has no more depth than the "hello how are you? I'm fine" exchange we all experience.

When I really dig in and be attentive to the real meaning, there is a change that occurs.  The issue really becomes about the way I'm living, right now.  And what does "living" mean anyway? I hear the whisper that I've been sleeping for so long and it's time to wake up, to pay attention deeply to all that is around me and inside me.  I spend too much time planning for some imagined future, instead of being enriched by what life is all about in any particular moment, whether pleasurable or not.

I wonder why--after having been reminded a billion times about "living in the now"--I and so many others quickly drift back into the business of the mind.  If thought were a usable form of energy, and all the thoughts about "living in the now" could be stored, we'd immediately solve our energy problem; we would have enough energy to power the world for centuries.  Why, with all the books, lectures, sermons, and conversations about this very important point, do we so easily forget it?

The understanding of this does have a different type of energy, a transformative energy.  If people really just planned for survival instead of all the rest of it (becoming somebody, having lots of wealth, controlling others), our whole world and society would change and we'd all be more sane as a result.  In living in the now, the sturdy divisions between "me" and "them" become cracked and tiresome.  The clouds, the plants, and humans all participate in life like a grand party.  Sharing is natural, not coerced.  Life is inescapably interesting.  It's when we leave the party, and tumble back into self-incarceration that life becomes dull and so starts the planning to "succeed" and stop sharing.  These sneaky tactics will never, ever, bring our survival rate above zero.

Intuition

...our intuition and emotions will be our "radar" that something is wrong. When people make us feel guilty, fear, confusion, doubt, stress, and/or anxiety in spite of the kind words they might tell us, something is wrong. --B.J.

I've often wondered about what the proper place of intuition is in our lives, and what exactly is intuition.

It appears to be a quick primitive brain system that allows us to sense what other people are feeling through nonverbal cues and mirrors that feeling in our own bodies. A problem with intuition, though, is it seems to be prone to errors from biases, assumptions, our own internal characteristics/tendencies, and general conditioning. For example, if I get anxious before making a presentation in front of a large crowd, and I intuit that a speaker is anxious, am I projecting my own feeling or is that really what the other person is experiencing? Due to the fact that we are all more similar than we care to admit, it's just statistically probable that the speaker is actually feeling anxious because she or he is similar to me, so if I feel that way, so does the speaker.

Perhaps intuition isn't about sensing their nonverbal cues; perhaps it's just a process of projecting ourselves into their situation and inferring their internal state based on what we would feel.

I suppose it could be a combination of the two (internal and external), and with so many variables, it's amazing our intuitions are on target as often as they are.

In the context of this quote, though, the point is made that we need to use our feelings to respond more intelligently to the environment. If we don't feel well inside, there is a problem in the current situation, and instead of just trying to ignore the feeling or suppress it, we need to find the deeper cause of our inquietude and respond with this broader understanding.

Emotions, as a concept, have been stigmatized. We pretend that they aren't of the same value as thoughts, particularly in "professional settings." Even when we say, "put your emotions aside," what we're really trying to do is get the person to put their assumptions aside (that are leading to their hostile/defensive emotions) so they can reconsider a certain circumstance, which will then allow them to have a broader view that changes their emotional state. Every action we take is to produce a desired emotional state, but we often feel compelled to provide a list of "legitimate" (conceptual) reasons that we are going to do something.

When I was preparing to quit my job, I really had to make the case to my family and friends that my work was impinging on my sense of ethics and values, my health, and my overall mood. These costs were irrational burdens, considering that my only benefit was a paycheck. With the assurance that I could survive for a few months sans paycheck, they became supportive of my decision to resign.

If I had said I was completely unhappy, that wouldn't have been as compelling, but that's really what my quitting was a result of. My intuition told me "something is wrong" so I had to leave. The sad part is how long it took me to arrive at that decision because I didn't heed my intuition so readily.

Relationship to Society

Together, the intellect and the emotions give us a balance in knowing what we need to say, plus the feelings needed to experience connectedness with others. From this flows strength and the clear-sightedness to see who others really are, and thus to take a stand and assume our own proper place with them, in an esteemed world. -- B.J.

I've long felt that the balance of the mind and heart, acting as one, is the essence of spirituality. I do not use this word often because it is so loaded in the mind of others. It gets confused with belief, faith, and religious addictions. I don't see any need for belief. If a phenomenon has little or no evidence for its existence, why carry that thought in your mind at all? Why not free your mind to explore what is real. There is so much that we don't understand about life, so why not just know this to be true and move forward from there? When my mind is full of assumptions and prejudices, it makes any perception of reality less clear.

I appreciate this author's meaning because it acknowledges the relationship between others as being one of heartfelt equality. It's not an imposition from thought or from laws. Every person has a unique blend of talents and some are less capable than others, but there is the understanding that these capacities do not need to divide us. Rather, they should serve as reminders that we need each other. From this understanding, there is nourishment to all parts, like the body which feeds all organs in the ways they need to be fed.

If society was produced from this basis of all individuals valuing each other, society would be a totally different creature than it is today. It is a shame that we don't see how society arises from us, from the way we relate to others. The consequence is that we have created a society in which exploiting others is normal. When the pancreas gets abused and stops working, and the rest of the body's organs must work within this deficiency, a terrible disease (diabetes) consumes the whole body leading to a painful decay. That is our society now. In such a society, every individual must struggle, but we accept this as the normal condition of life. Is it? Or is it just one of those beliefs and assumptions?

The never-ending mind

You see, our minds are so carefully cultivated that we fill the heart with the things of the mind. We give most of our time and energy to the earning of a livelihood, to the gathering of knowledge, to the fire of belief, to patriotism and the worship of the State, to the activities of social reform, to the pursuit of ideals and virtues, and to the many other things with which the mind keeps itself occupied; so the heart is made empty, and the mind becomes rich in its cunningness. This does make for insensitivity, doesn't it? -- J.K.

I see that I spend much of my life in the workings of the mind. From the time that I wake up to the time my head hits the pillow, I'm wondering about things. Since I was young, it has been obvious to others that I have always been asking "why?" My "whys" have filled me with so much of other people's knowledge that I get stuck in it. I guess that is all pretty obvious just from the purpose of this blog.

Even though I've learned that there are certain whys that can only be answered with speculation, this understanding is not complete. I no longer ask "why am I here?" or "why is there 'meaningfulness'?" because all answers, however alluring, are just more tapestries of thought. Sadly, I'm still asking myself how to empty my heart of these things of the mind. It may not be so explicit or direct, but I can see it in the movement of my mind that I'm struggling to find a way to quiet the mind and allow the heart to be.

Why do I want to empty my heart? I'm at a point in my life where I've worked and worked at different jobs in different fields and all my action in these jobs, and towards these jobs, have been motivated by some strategizing of the mind to avoid semi-fictional consequences (being homeless and cold, not having food, being unhealthy). In other words, my work life has been dominated by fear. All this effort to avoid a bad outcome has led me exactly to that--bad outcomes! It's all rather ridiculous. My jobs have not been aligned with my interests, values, and talents, but they have provided me just enough income to survive. Literally burnt out from the accumulated stress of my most recent job, and from a history of unsuitable jobs, I am desperate to find a new way of earning a living, which may just mean a totally new way of life.

To find my way, I need to let go of all that fear, of all the scheming. I need to create just enough space to allow for inspiration, for insight. The problem is that I must not be motivated to achieve that insight. If my mind is struggling to get to "Destination Insight," then it will start building up what the destination is and what it looks like, and calculating the route to get there. I've already seen where following the mind's deceptive paths leads me, so I "try" to avoid that route and take another that my mind has secretly offered as a "non-mind" alternative. Of course, it too is of the mind.

It may be the case that I've been made dull by the years of self-abuse. A sushi knife wielded recklessly in a butcher shop will no longer find its way back to the sushi kitchen. That may be my fate. Or I may just end up in another job. For now, though, I haven't a choice. I must write my blog and clean out as much of my mind's cholesterol as I'm capable of to allow the blood to flow freely to my heart.

Purpose of Dialogue Blog

This is my first blog, and I'm excited to start. There are two reasons I wanted to write this blog. The most important is that writing seems to be a great tool for me to explore some of the more subtle thinking that goes on in my mind. In everyday thinking, it's like I'm an airport luggage handler moving giant suitcases and boxes through to the fuselage of life. When I write, the handling slows down and I have a chance to peer inside all that baggage, and often, I'm surprised to see how loaded they are. The second reason is that I wanted to have a place in my life for my internal discussions with authors. My concept for the format is to post a quote of whatever length necessary, and then use that as the starting point for my discussion.

This will undoubtedly leave me very exposed, but I do not worry about that. Being vulnerable can be scary sometimes, but it's also a path to insight (as long as it's genuine). I considered just creating a folder of document files, or just adding to my handwritten journal, but neither of those felt right this time. So, here we go!